Jumping out of my skin 

This is an old blog that I wrote 7 years ago that I found and read this morning. I share because as I read this I find I’m feeling the same way today. I don’t think I can re-write this any better than it already is. That’s my opinion of course, so I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Jumping out of my skin!

Current mood:  hyper

Category: Religion and Philosophy

Do you remember your first love? Do you remember how you felt? Remember how you couldn’t eat, couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything but focus on that one person who made your heart throb, your stomach flutter and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much? Remember how you felt like you would jump out of your skin because of the intense desire to be with your love? How you couldn’t wait to be in his/her presence? You couldn’t wait to hear his/her voice…You could talk for hours or sit in silence for hours but you couldn’t stand being away from him/her. Do you remember?

That is exactly how I feel today.

No, I don’t have a new boyfriend or even an old boyfriend at that. So what is making me jump out of my skin and bubble over with joy today? Thanks for asking.

It’s Jesus Christ!

The past couple of days have been amazing. Yesterday I was sort of stuck at home and I spent the day just reading and listening to the Bible, I prayed and praised and just worshiped for the majority of the day. It was awesome! I’ve arrived at such a new level of intimacy with the Lord that I just want to scream and shout and jump out of my skin and tell everyone about it.

Now this is not something entirely new for me, I do these things regularly. I pray daily and I read the Word and study it and listen to it, I sing and praise all day either in my head or out loud. You can ask some of my co-workers and they’ll tell you because they have caught me singing out loud a time or two. I should probably apologize to them because I don’t sing all that great. But I digress.

So today I was thinking about how absolutely excited I was and how I just feel this fresh fire in my spirit and how I just want to tell everyone!! I know, this is not a surprise to many of you reading this right now. Many of you know what I am talking about. You understand the reality of a real 24/7 relationship with our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and you are probably rejoicing with me right now. Praise the Lord!
But can I confess here that I used to only have “head knowledge” about what a real relationship with Jesus Christ was all about. You see I was looking for the microwave miracle deliverance that would sweep me away into a blissful life of blue skies, green grass and no problems. Hello…was I thinking of a Julie Andrews movie or something?

So I once had this idea in my head that if I just went to this revival meeting…or read that book…or sing the right christian song…or recite someone else’s beautifully written prayer that I found on a website or in a book I was reading…that I would find the right formula to the blessed life. Yes, I was sure that there was a formula to follow to get my instant microwave miracle. I mean look at all the TV evangelists who tell you how you can send in your love offering and they will send you a miracle handkerchief that they have prayed over and once you receive it you will be healed and your life will be blessed. Oh and if you send in a hundred dollars to that ministry you are sure to get a miracle financial blessing because God will honor your gift and open the floodgates of heaven to pour out a blessing that you will not have enough room for it…I pause here to confess that I sent in my hundred dollars about 22 years ago and I’m still waiting for the miracle blessing.

Well I know today that the miracle blessing is not coming, not in that form anyway. Not because of a TV evangelist or because of a formula prayer or because of anything that has absolutely nothing to do with a real 24/7 intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You see I was looking for a Savior who would take away all my problems but as I look over m y life I see that I had a Savior that walked with me, carried me and loved me through all my problems even when I didn’t know He was there. Even when I thought that He was far from my life and yet He was right there.

You know, this is my second writing of this blog…the first version disappeared when I hit the back button on this page instead of another page I had up with BibleGateway.com. I guess that version was the one my kids needed to hear because I read it to them and asked them how it sounded. I think it was much funnier too but this version is a little more personal. And the funny thing is that even if I am just writing this for myself and no one else reads it, I’m okay with that because one day I will read it when I am hit with a situation and I need to be reminded of today then it will be good. On the other hand, if one person reads it and God is glorified because of their response then it will be worth it.

Now, getting back to my former idea that being a Christian would mean that I could have a life with no problems, well I want to show you what the Word says…

James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Hmm…Does that sound like a life with no problems? Let’s see what Jesus says…

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” Matthew 10:34-36

No, there’s no blissful life without problems there either…

Now this is a passage of scripture that is one of my favorites and has probably kept me sane through many a trial in my life…

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8-9

But now I want to show you the scripture that describes where I am today…

1 Peter 1:3-9 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth more than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Oh friends, did you read that? Read it again. This is the reason for my joy, this is the reason I am jumping out of my skin today. Do I still have problems? Most definitely, as a matter of fact, my problems have problems! But I have joy inexpressible! And it’s only because I have spent time with Jesus.

I wish I had grasped this long ago. I remember being at a point in my life where I thought nothing would ever turn around for me, I was desperate, alone, depressed, fearful and questioning my very existence. I told my Pastor at that time how I was feeling and the circumstances in my life that were making me feel that way and I’ll never forget his response. He said “all you need is Jesus”. He was right, he knew the answer but I was appalled and actually left his church because I felt that was not the answer. I just didn’t grasp it. I wanted an instant microwave miracle to stop all the pain in my life and make everything better. I was so immature then.

I thank God today that He has allowed me to grow so much over the past 4 years. Each time I think I have arrived at a place where I can’t possibly learn any more, I get blown away by the Lord. The more I read the Word, the more I pray, the more I sing, praise and worship, the more I share with others, the more I sit and just spend time with Jesus the more I learn, the more I am healed, the more I am delivered, the more I am maturing and exceedingly joyful. I can’t wait to see what’s next. I can hardly stand where I am at today so I know that tomorrow is going to be so much more glorious and each day that I yield myself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and obey His Word I am blessed and transformed.

Jesus said…
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” John 14:15

“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” John 14:21

“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” John 14:23

“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.” John 15:10

I love Jesus and I obey His Word. Do I still fail? Sure I do and I still fall into sin but not for long anymore because I know what the Word says…”If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive u s our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Do you know Jesus? I pray that you do. Do you have a real 24/7 realationship with Jesus? If not, why not start today? It’s time to repent and get right with God. It’s time to read the Word and believe what it says and live it out daily. It’s time to make sacrifices. My Pastor asked a couple questions back in January that was the beginning of a powerful weekend of deliverance for me. He said “How much of God do you want?” and “How much of you are you willing to give God?” I want more and the more I seek God, the more He reveals, revives and restores me. I will never be the same again. Hallelujah!!

How much of God do you want?

How much of you are you willing to give God?

2016 update:

Over the past 7 years I have seen more healing in my life than ever before but my prayer life, I’m embarrassed to admit, turned dry and almost nonexistent through many seasons. But today I’m living in the fullness of how I felt on this Monday back in 2009. I pray that I will stay in this place as a lifestyle not just a season. I realize we can’t always be on top of the mountain as the walk is usually through the plains and there will always be valleys but we can go through each of these with joy. Thank You Jesus!

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(Day 21) A New Shopping Experience

Tuesday evening I got together with a friend which when I think about it was a great way of celebrating my small victories. We had no set plans just a time and day when we both were available. She initially suggested that we go to a gourmet chocolate place in our town but I told her that I was in the middle of 31 days of no dessert so that wouldn’t work. Her next suggestion was that we go to Fresh Thyme. I had no idea what that was but I agreed. She picked me up and we went to this amazing Farmer’s Market Natural, Organic Grocery Store. I am used to shopping at Wal-Mart so this was a real treat for me.

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The sales in the store were great and I just loved all the ways they offered fresh, natural, healthy choices. They have fresh juices, fresh nut butters, bulk grains, oils, honey, etc. I realized that this trip to the store was an excellent way to celebrate those small victories. Spending time with a friend and not eating was just what I needed. I am pretty sure that I will be frequenting this store a lot! What a gift! I am so thankful for a friend that will come along side me to support my journey.

Thank you for stopping by today!

(Day 20) Unexpected Motivation

My small victories that I wrote about stirred a conversation with a friend about how do I celebrate these victories. I had no idea how to celebrate. My thoughts of a celebration revolve around food. When my friend asked me how I was going to celebrate my response was “well it won’t be with desserts because I am not eating sweets for 31 days”. The reality that my view of celebration was only about food really caused me to think. I don’t know how to celebrate with anything other than food. When someone gets a promotion or graduates, we go out to eat. It’s what I know. The only other thing I could think of was sending a card but I am not going to send myself a card. That would just be weird.

motivationI asked for feedback on how to celebrate in the group I am involved in on Facebook and got some great ideas that I had not considered. Buy a shirt, take a bubble bath, give yourself permission to take a nap were among the suggestions I received. As I think back to the times when I have been on this journey before I see where I did not really celebrate my victories. I mainly focused on my failures. I was a completely black or white thinker and I was either succeeding or failing, there was no in between, there was no room for the middle ground of learning opportunities. This revelation became an unexpected motivation for me.

When I think back to the time when I lost the most weight within one year I do remember getting my hair cut and colored which was a celebration of my success. However, when I veered off my path I hit a wall and would beat myself up for days on end before ever getting back up and moving forward. It was a major hindrance to my journey. When I got to the end of that year and only lost 86 pounds instead of 100 pounds I didn’t see the 86 pounds as a success but a failure. I know, it was stinking thinking. After that time of what I viewed as defeat I gave up for a long time. I had a few attempts at getting back on track but I could not give myself grace to move forward. I felt that I had let down God. I was on a journey with Jesus, that was and is my purpose for writing this blog.

I’m so thankful that my thinking is shifting and I am allowing myself grace to keep walking even when I don’t meet every goal. I re-evaluate, I change or modify my goals when I find that I am attempting to do too much at once. I listen to my accountability partner when she gives me feedback if I begin to go on a downward trail. I allow myself to learn along the way and I am not rushing into anything. It’s not about losing weight anymore. It’s about being healthy and honoring God with my body. It took years to get to the place I am today with my weight and it may take years to get to a healthy weight. In the meantime I need to truly learn how to celebrate the victories that I am seeing in my life.

Today I have a boost of motivation that I did not anticipate and it’s wonderful. It’s allowing me to grow. I have a new-found confidence that I haven’t experienced before. I am really making changes to my life and each step of the way I am inviting the Holy Spirit to teach me and guide me. I am excited for the things to come. I am motivated to continue this journey and learn to celebrate my small victories with more than just a blog post. What a blessing! Thank You Jesus!

Thank you for stopping by today.

Just another reminder before you leave, DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks again for reading!

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(Day 19) Celebrate Small Victories

Yesterday I was stressing about this week and I am so glad that I actually wrote about it and applied the Word of God to my situation. I believe the Lord wanted me to rest and not stress so that is what I did. This morning I woke up on time, I spent time praying about my schedule. I talked to and prayed with my accountability partner. Not surprisingly the day went well. I was able to get some exercise done in the morning and by the end of the day I had accomplished much. It was the kind of day that I would like to have every day! It was a day of victory! So I think it is a good time to really look at some of my small victories and celebrate them.

  1. It has been over two months since I drank soda and I now drink upwards of 3-4 liters of water a day.
  2. It has been 19 days since I have eaten any type of desserts or sweets.
  3. I have been transparent with my accountability partner for 19 days.
  4. I released 4 pounds that I don’t plan on getting back

Not bad for someone who is really learning how to transform my temple and not just go on a diet. I am proud of my accomplishments. It’s not about perfection or how quickly I can get results. It’s really learning how to rely on the Lord. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 NKJV. I am doing it this time and no matter how slow the progress may be, I will be content because this is a lifetime journey. I am reminded of a quote from Lysa Terkeurst:

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That’s what I am doing. I’m on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness. I will take it one step at a time, one day at a time and never turn around to go back.

Philippians 3:13-14 NKJV, “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Thank you for stopping by today!

(Day 7) End of First Week Weigh In

1-corinthians-10-31-ipad-bible-lock-screen“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

When I was considering what Bible verse to share today this is the only one that makes sense to me. You see I was so excited to see my scale victory today because I knew that it was all for the glory of God. This past week I have begun a journey that I have traveled before. I began with sharing my why and my goals. Not one of my goals includes a number of pounds that I want to lose. Why? Because I know myself. I get tripped up by trying to go after the BIG PICTURE. I get caught up in reaching the number goal. I will be honest with you. I like numbers. I am a numbers girl. People who know me, know this to be true. I also like dates. I have spreadsheets on just about everything in my life and this is the organizational side of me. I think I really embraced it because of the work I do but nonetheless I am a numbers girl who loves her spreadsheets.

In the past, my spreadsheets have been helpful and a hindrance. I used to weigh myself every day and record it on my spreadsheet with all of my food and exercise for the day. I am at line 2185 on my spreadsheet as of today. However, I am not as rigid with adding my data on the spreadsheet anymore because then my focus is displaced. My focus has to stay fixed and firm and that is the fact that I have chosen to pick up the truth that my body is a sacred place, the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants to show Himself in and through my body. My focus has to be on Jesus at all times. So that is what I have been doing this past week as I begin to walk this journey again with fresh eyes and lots of lessons behind me.

I do not feel the need to scrap the idea of weighing myself on this journey but I am only doing this once a week. I don’t feel the need to weigh myself every day. I’ve done it and it’s not a part of the journey anymore. I am learning how to pick up the things that God wants me to work on and toss the rest in the garbage and there is no junk drawer anymore for me to save those things for later. Well I have rambled long enough and now I will share with you my scale victory of all my work over the past week.

Day 1 – 10/1/2015

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Day 7 – 10/7/15

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That is a 9.4 pound loss and I just give all the glory and honor to Jesus! I spent most of my time learning and growing in His Word. I was intentional about getting some exercise in and moving my body at 2-3 minutes at a time throughout my day. I have not had any sweets and I am drinking my water. My food intake has changed from eating all day to eating meals and snacks. This is just the beginning of my journey and I will celebrate every victory by giving glory to Jesus. Without Him I can do nothing and I am so glad I finally learned that lesson and I don’t ever want to forget.

Until tomorrow….