Jumping out of my skin 

This is an old blog that I wrote 7 years ago that I found and read this morning. I share because as I read this I find I’m feeling the same way today. I don’t think I can re-write this any better than it already is. That’s my opinion of course, so I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Jumping out of my skin!

Current mood:  hyper

Category: Religion and Philosophy

Do you remember your first love? Do you remember how you felt? Remember how you couldn’t eat, couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything but focus on that one person who made your heart throb, your stomach flutter and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much? Remember how you felt like you would jump out of your skin because of the intense desire to be with your love? How you couldn’t wait to be in his/her presence? You couldn’t wait to hear his/her voice…You could talk for hours or sit in silence for hours but you couldn’t stand being away from him/her. Do you remember?

That is exactly how I feel today.

No, I don’t have a new boyfriend or even an old boyfriend at that. So what is making me jump out of my skin and bubble over with joy today? Thanks for asking.

It’s Jesus Christ!

The past couple of days have been amazing. Yesterday I was sort of stuck at home and I spent the day just reading and listening to the Bible, I prayed and praised and just worshiped for the majority of the day. It was awesome! I’ve arrived at such a new level of intimacy with the Lord that I just want to scream and shout and jump out of my skin and tell everyone about it.

Now this is not something entirely new for me, I do these things regularly. I pray daily and I read the Word and study it and listen to it, I sing and praise all day either in my head or out loud. You can ask some of my co-workers and they’ll tell you because they have caught me singing out loud a time or two. I should probably apologize to them because I don’t sing all that great. But I digress.

So today I was thinking about how absolutely excited I was and how I just feel this fresh fire in my spirit and how I just want to tell everyone!! I know, this is not a surprise to many of you reading this right now. Many of you know what I am talking about. You understand the reality of a real 24/7 relationship with our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and you are probably rejoicing with me right now. Praise the Lord!
But can I confess here that I used to only have “head knowledge” about what a real relationship with Jesus Christ was all about. You see I was looking for the microwave miracle deliverance that would sweep me away into a blissful life of blue skies, green grass and no problems. Hello…was I thinking of a Julie Andrews movie or something?

So I once had this idea in my head that if I just went to this revival meeting…or read that book…or sing the right christian song…or recite someone else’s beautifully written prayer that I found on a website or in a book I was reading…that I would find the right formula to the blessed life. Yes, I was sure that there was a formula to follow to get my instant microwave miracle. I mean look at all the TV evangelists who tell you how you can send in your love offering and they will send you a miracle handkerchief that they have prayed over and once you receive it you will be healed and your life will be blessed. Oh and if you send in a hundred dollars to that ministry you are sure to get a miracle financial blessing because God will honor your gift and open the floodgates of heaven to pour out a blessing that you will not have enough room for it…I pause here to confess that I sent in my hundred dollars about 22 years ago and I’m still waiting for the miracle blessing.

Well I know today that the miracle blessing is not coming, not in that form anyway. Not because of a TV evangelist or because of a formula prayer or because of anything that has absolutely nothing to do with a real 24/7 intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. You see I was looking for a Savior who would take away all my problems but as I look over m y life I see that I had a Savior that walked with me, carried me and loved me through all my problems even when I didn’t know He was there. Even when I thought that He was far from my life and yet He was right there.

You know, this is my second writing of this blog…the first version disappeared when I hit the back button on this page instead of another page I had up with BibleGateway.com. I guess that version was the one my kids needed to hear because I read it to them and asked them how it sounded. I think it was much funnier too but this version is a little more personal. And the funny thing is that even if I am just writing this for myself and no one else reads it, I’m okay with that because one day I will read it when I am hit with a situation and I need to be reminded of today then it will be good. On the other hand, if one person reads it and God is glorified because of their response then it will be worth it.

Now, getting back to my former idea that being a Christian would mean that I could have a life with no problems, well I want to show you what the Word says…

James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Hmm…Does that sound like a life with no problems? Let’s see what Jesus says…

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” Matthew 10:34-36

No, there’s no blissful life without problems there either…

Now this is a passage of scripture that is one of my favorites and has probably kept me sane through many a trial in my life…

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8-9

But now I want to show you the scripture that describes where I am today…

1 Peter 1:3-9 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth more than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Oh friends, did you read that? Read it again. This is the reason for my joy, this is the reason I am jumping out of my skin today. Do I still have problems? Most definitely, as a matter of fact, my problems have problems! But I have joy inexpressible! And it’s only because I have spent time with Jesus.

I wish I had grasped this long ago. I remember being at a point in my life where I thought nothing would ever turn around for me, I was desperate, alone, depressed, fearful and questioning my very existence. I told my Pastor at that time how I was feeling and the circumstances in my life that were making me feel that way and I’ll never forget his response. He said “all you need is Jesus”. He was right, he knew the answer but I was appalled and actually left his church because I felt that was not the answer. I just didn’t grasp it. I wanted an instant microwave miracle to stop all the pain in my life and make everything better. I was so immature then.

I thank God today that He has allowed me to grow so much over the past 4 years. Each time I think I have arrived at a place where I can’t possibly learn any more, I get blown away by the Lord. The more I read the Word, the more I pray, the more I sing, praise and worship, the more I share with others, the more I sit and just spend time with Jesus the more I learn, the more I am healed, the more I am delivered, the more I am maturing and exceedingly joyful. I can’t wait to see what’s next. I can hardly stand where I am at today so I know that tomorrow is going to be so much more glorious and each day that I yield myself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and obey His Word I am blessed and transformed.

Jesus said…
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” John 14:15

“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” John 14:21

“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” John 14:23

“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.” John 15:10

I love Jesus and I obey His Word. Do I still fail? Sure I do and I still fall into sin but not for long anymore because I know what the Word says…”If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive u s our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Do you know Jesus? I pray that you do. Do you have a real 24/7 realationship with Jesus? If not, why not start today? It’s time to repent and get right with God. It’s time to read the Word and believe what it says and live it out daily. It’s time to make sacrifices. My Pastor asked a couple questions back in January that was the beginning of a powerful weekend of deliverance for me. He said “How much of God do you want?” and “How much of you are you willing to give God?” I want more and the more I seek God, the more He reveals, revives and restores me. I will never be the same again. Hallelujah!!

How much of God do you want?

How much of you are you willing to give God?

2016 update:

Over the past 7 years I have seen more healing in my life than ever before but my prayer life, I’m embarrassed to admit, turned dry and almost nonexistent through many seasons. But today I’m living in the fullness of how I felt on this Monday back in 2009. I pray that I will stay in this place as a lifestyle not just a season. I realize we can’t always be on top of the mountain as the walk is usually through the plains and there will always be valleys but we can go through each of these with joy. Thank You Jesus!


(Day 10) Thankful for Strength

philippians4_13ljmaI’ve shared that I have been battling fatigue and I finally have a doctor’s appointment scheduled. My day 10 was a full day of activities including work and helping others. I was exhausted! Thankfully I found that the scripture that says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) is true. I am relying on that strength to continue to get me through each day this week. I am also relying on the Lord to give wisdom to the doctor in what to do for me whether it is adjusting my medication or running blood tests. I know that I am in the Lord’s care. I am thankful that He is in charge of my life and I submit to all that He has in store for me.

What are you thankful for today?

(Day 6) Thankful for Friends

proverbs27_9ljmToday was a really tough day. I’ve come face to face with the reality that I am overwhelmed and my spinning plates are falling all over the place. I couldn’t even get this blog post done without hitting some key to cause my whole draft of 500+ words to disappear. POOF GONE!


This week has been a mess. I go back to Monday when I got some news that caused me a moment of panic but I already had the answer because the Lord gave it to me.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.” Jeremiah 17:7 ESV

I wish I could say that I have rested in the truth of those words. The reality is I didn’t. What I thought was peace was really denial. My mouth said the right things but my actions spoke louder. I ran back to the same habits I’ve been running to for years and years. Food. I ran to food yet I didn’t even realize it until today because I was in denial. Yes I knew that the sickness I had was mostly brought on by my own doing but while I was down, while I was sick, while I was in a down time mode even if by force, my focus was not on the Lord. My gaze went from being on Jesus to being on myself. Oh I glanced at Jesus now and then but the steady gaze that I’ve been holding for a while was interrupted. If we were sitting at a table across from one another you would have just seen me slump in my chair and smile. Of course the words that I was writing before these words were lost. They were truth but only surface truth. I believe the Lord wanted me to be open and vulnerable. He wanted me to get to the root of the issue rather than just talk about the outward things that had a small part to play in the way my week has gone.

This realization causes me to appreciate my friends that were there for me today even more. I had two Skype calls with a friend who prayed for me. She also rounded up others to pray for me. I started crashing around noon from not having enough sleep and waking up extra early. I took a 10 minute power nap on my lunch break but it didn’t help much. I was tired, empty and the fire inside me that had been burning with such intensity had dwindled to a slight flicker. I had an event that I was supposed to attend this evening that I had to back out of and I felt really guilty about it. Then my wise friend who knows me oh so well told me that I needed to rest, heal and prioritize. Her words were like a text from Jesus as she pointed out some things that I knew but I was in denial about. My response was that she was right and I am going to refocus, reprioritize and rest. So that is exactly what I am going to do. I am so thankful for friends. Friends who are not afraid to speak the truth in love. Friends that pray and pray some more.

Proverbs 27:9 NLT, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”

Until tomorrow…

(Days 3-5) Thankful for A New Day

I missed posting days 3 and 4 because I got really sick. I had a terrible stomach bug that incapacitated me for more than 35 hours. So I basically slept 2 days away because I could do nothing more. Nonetheless I am thankful for that sleep as I feel much better this morning. I happened to open up a productivity app on my phone that I was using a year ago and I read one of my goals which was to write down foods that hurt me. I am thankful that I found that because I am going to implement that again to my daily routine. I cannot afford to have stomach issues take me out for two days again.

As much as I wanted to leave my post at the last paragraph and move on to some good news, I just cannot move on. You see I’m sure that my stomach virus was the direct result of my own doing. I know that I cannot eat certain things and yet my flesh tends to win over when I’m not really thinking through what I’m doing. So this two day experience has exposed the fact that I’m eating mindlessly and it’s hurting me. This picture kind of sums up what I see in myself right about now.


While I felt that the Lord convicted me that my stomach virus was the direct result of my own doing, my nurse friend advised me that I could not have caused my own fever and hot and cold flashes. Okay, point taken but I still know that I have been engaging in mindless eating which is gluttony.

Proverbs 23:20-21 ESV says, “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.” I don’t drink but to be associated with a drunkard as someone who is engaging in gluttony causes me to sit up and take notice. It’s not something new to me. I have battled with being a food addict for a very long time. I was able to kick every other bad habit but this food thing is literally the hardest. I mean think about it, no one needs to smoke, drink or do drugs but we have to eat for survival. So to me being a food addict is way harder than kicking any other habit.

The good new is that I don’t have to remain in this condition and I have already taken this to the Lord in prayer and repentance. I am thankful for His forgiveness and grace. I don’t have to be bound by the addiction to food because John 8:36 says, “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” I will keep pressing into the Lord to help me walk away from this mindless eating. I will make strides in working my goals and lean into the Lord Jesus as my foundation as I build my temple.

Now for the good news of the day. I am down 2.8 lbs since last week and I am truly thankful for this. Maybe it is from being sick two days and maybe not, I don’t know for sure but my goal is not to find those 2.8 lbs again. I will press on in the journey, no turning back!


Thanks for walking with me on this journey!