Today was a really tough day. I’ve come face to face with the reality that I am overwhelmed and my spinning plates are falling all over the place. I couldn’t even get this blog post done without hitting some key to cause my whole draft of 500+ words to disappear. POOF GONE!
This week has been a mess. I go back to Monday when I got some news that caused me a moment of panic but I already had the answer because the Lord gave it to me.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.” Jeremiah 17:7 ESV
I wish I could say that I have rested in the truth of those words. The reality is I didn’t. What I thought was peace was really denial. My mouth said the right things but my actions spoke louder. I ran back to the same habits I’ve been running to for years and years. Food. I ran to food yet I didn’t even realize it until today because I was in denial. Yes I knew that the sickness I had was mostly brought on by my own doing but while I was down, while I was sick, while I was in a down time mode even if by force, my focus was not on the Lord. My gaze went from being on Jesus to being on myself. Oh I glanced at Jesus now and then but the steady gaze that I’ve been holding for a while was interrupted. If we were sitting at a table across from one another you would have just seen me slump in my chair and smile. Of course the words that I was writing before these words were lost. They were truth but only surface truth. I believe the Lord wanted me to be open and vulnerable. He wanted me to get to the root of the issue rather than just talk about the outward things that had a small part to play in the way my week has gone.
This realization causes me to appreciate my friends that were there for me today even more. I had two Skype calls with a friend who prayed for me. She also rounded up others to pray for me. I started crashing around noon from not having enough sleep and waking up extra early. I took a 10 minute power nap on my lunch break but it didn’t help much. I was tired, empty and the fire inside me that had been burning with such intensity had dwindled to a slight flicker. I had an event that I was supposed to attend this evening that I had to back out of and I felt really guilty about it. Then my wise friend who knows me oh so well told me that I needed to rest, heal and prioritize. Her words were like a text from Jesus as she pointed out some things that I knew but I was in denial about. My response was that she was right and I am going to refocus, reprioritize and rest. So that is exactly what I am going to do. I am so thankful for friends. Friends who are not afraid to speak the truth in love. Friends that pray and pray some more.
Proverbs 27:9 NLT, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”