You ever wake up and realize that you have been doing things all wrong? It occurred to me in recent weeks that I was just focusing way too much on the wrong things. I’ve focused so much on my failures that I never really saw the successes and so I dismissed the successes and then of course I would splat. Yes splat – fall on my face and not get up. I’ve seen this pattern in my journey to health and wellness for the past 7 years. I really paid attention to it this year as I really took a hard look at myself and why I was not able to be consistent in healthy eating and exercise. Well I think I figured out the problem, I had too much healing that needed to be done on the inside before the outside of me would come into alignment. Deep inside I was afraid to lose the weight because then I would be more noticeable. I mean come on let’s face it, people are more apt to notice your weight loss efforts and say “Hey you are looking great” then when you are gaining weight. Nobody says “Hey you are looking fat today”, well at least not adults that care about you. Children on the other hand can be cruel but I digress.
Early this year I had this knowing in my gut that said this year will be a year when I get my healthy lifestyle back on track. I just knew that it was close and I could feel it. I knew that I had come to a place where significant healing was was evident in my life emotionally and spiritually and I was ready to see that spill over into the physical. So in the middle of great circumstantial stress I tried to get the ball rolling. It didn’t work. I had a lot of false starts but no significant wins. By June I was disgusted with myself and started on a downward spiral of guilt and shame. I went through a short time of depression and just a time of pressing in to God to see where He would take me next. Well He got my attention and come July I started back on the journey to getting my life in order. I started with getting my relationship with Jesus to a higher level, started working on things that I knew the Lord was calling me to do.
I started out by walking to work one day and it took me 12 minutes. I had stopped 4 times and I was so out of breath that I thought I would die and I couldn’t speak when I did get to work. It was miserable. My brother told me to do it again. So I did. I kept doing it until now I can walk to work in 8 min 13 seconds and not stop or be out of breath. That turnaround in me was in July and since then I have been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. I have accountability and measurable goals every week. Some weeks are better than others but each week I celebrate my victories. Even if it’s just one victory in the whole week. My thinking is different now and that makes a huge difference. It doesn’t matter how fast or how slow I go anymore, it’s just that I keep moving forward and don’t look back.
No matter what!
That my friends is progress!