You ever wake up and realize that you have been doing things all wrong? It occurred to me in recent weeks that I was just focusing way too much on the wrong things. I’ve focused so much on my failures that I never really saw the successes and so I dismissed the successes and then of course I would splat. Yes splat – fall on my face and not get up. I’ve seen this pattern in my journey to health and wellness for the past 7 years. I really paid attention to it this year as I really took a hard look at myself and why I was not able to be consistent in healthy eating and exercise. Well I think I figured out the problem, I had too much healing that needed to be done on the inside before the outside of me would come into alignment. Deep inside I was afraid to lose the weight because then I would be more noticeable. I mean come on let’s face it, people are more apt to notice your weight loss efforts and say “Hey you are looking great” then when you are gaining weight. Nobody says “Hey you are looking fat today”, well at least not adults that care about you. Children on the other hand can be cruel but I digress.

Early this year I had this knowing in my gut that said this year will be a year when I get my healthy lifestyle back on track. I just knew that it was close and I could feel it. I knew that I had come to a place where significant healing was was evident in my life emotionally and spiritually and I was ready to see that spill over into the physical. So in the middle of great circumstantial stress I tried to get the ball rolling. It didn’t work. I had a lot of false starts but no significant wins. By June I was disgusted with myself and started on a downward spiral of guilt and shame. I went through a short time of depression and just a time of pressing in to God to see where He would take me next. Well He got my attention and come July I started back on the journey to getting my life in order. I started with getting my relationship with Jesus to a higher level, started working on things that I knew the Lord was calling me to do.

I started out by walking to work one day and it took me 12 minutes. I had stopped 4 times and I was so out of breath that I thought I would die and I couldn’t speak when I did get to work. It was miserable. My brother told me to do it again. So I did. I kept doing it until now I can walk to work in 8 min 13 seconds and not stop or be out of breath. That turnaround in me was in July and since then I have been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. I have accountability and measurable goals every week. Some weeks are better than others but each week I celebrate my victories. Even if it’s just one victory in the whole week. My thinking is different now and that makes a huge difference. It doesn’t matter how fast or how slow I go anymore, it’s just that I keep moving forward and don’t look back.

No matter what!

That my friends is progress!


Big Announcement!!

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who has followed me on this blog. I realize that I have not posted very consistently and I want to let you all know that as of today I am recommitting myself to this blog. I know that the goals I had when I first caught the vision of Losing4Christ are still my goals today. My mindset is different than it was 3 years ago when this blog began. I used to only see my failures, today I see my successes and learn from my failures. I hope to share more encouragement as I re-commit to this site. I want to help people as I go through this journey to health and wellness walking with Jesus Christ learning to live abundantly and be balanced in mind, body, soul and spirit.

So what is my Big Announcement? Thanks for asking. I have created a new blog to separate from the health and wellness journey and share my story. It’s really scary to me but I know that I need to share my story. It is a story of my past which was filled with living in the pit of destruction and miry clay but showcases the victory I now live out day by day as Jesus has set my feet on solid ground. I invite you to the launch of this new adventure.

Find me on Twitter at

Find me on Facebook at

Please consider sharing with your friends as a resource. I am hoping that my story and my desire to help others will bring the reality of one changed life as a result of hearing my journey.



Death To Self


This is going to hurt. I am going to be real transparent here but I know that it must be done. I need to die to self. I need to come to the place of truly dying to my flesh. My flesh has died before but it just won’t stay dead! September 5, 2011 I died to self and turned my eating habits over to the Lord to lead and guide me. The reality however is I didn’t stay dead for very long. The truth is there is just no way to overcome the flesh on our own.

 Let’s read a few verses from the Bible:

Galatians 5:24 ~ Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Romans 6:11 ~ Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

These were the verses I shared back in September 2011. Now let’s take a look at another verse:

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Did you see what I saw? “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me”. Hmm, yes that changes everything. I keep trying to make my flesh die but I think what really needs to happen is that I need to surrender. I need to remember that Christ lives in me. And since He lives in me, I need to do what the rest of this verse says “the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Now let’s look at another few verses:

Colossians 3:1-4

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.  For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.


Now let’s read just verses 3-4 in the Message Bible:

Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you.




I wrote the following in 2006, if I’m not mistaken it was after my Pastor spoke on dying to self. I am not even sure if I am the one who wrote it or if it was from my notes from the sermon. I am reminded today though that this is what needs to happen in my life if I am to be successful at getting healthy and losing weight. Quite honestly, this is what needs to happen for all of life. I apply it today to this journey of moving toward better health but death to self is really about living daily for Christ.

When you are dead to self, you no longer are drawn to the old sinful habits of your past. You will no longer respond to people who scorn you or speak evil of you, you just pray for them and love them.

When you are dead to self, nothing affects your walk with the Lord. Nothing can move you from your place in Christ Jesus.

When you are dead to self, you no longer are self-absorbed with your problems and situations instead you are ready to help others through their trials.

When you are dead to self, your focus is on Jesus and His sacrifice for you. You have a yearning to bring others to Him so they too can receive forgiveness.

When you are dead to self, you are drawn more to the things of God then to the things of the world. You would rather read your Bible than watch TV all day. You would rather minister to someone in need than sit and sulk about your own problems.

When you are dead to self, no matter how bad your day is going you still smile at your neighbors and you praise the Lord for each and every moment of your bad day.

When you are dead to self, your focus is on the Lord and how you can be used by Him to further His kingdom.

Dying to self is a daily process.

To be continued…

Genuine sanctification … is nothing less than a daily dying to self and daily conformity to the will of God. ~ Ellen G. White

Me A Barney?

This past Sunday my pastors talked about encouragement at church. My senior pastor titled his sermon “They Call Me Barney” and the funny part was he had us sing the I Love You song from Barney. I’m talking about Barney the purple dinosaur. At first I wasn’t appreciating his humor since I had heard so much Barney when my kids were growing up that I could not stand Barney. So after we sang the song I thought to myself well that was pretty cool. Then after the service I turned to a hug from a dear friend who whispered to me “Thanks for being my Barney”. Really, me?? I would see it the other way around to be honest, she is my Barney! Actually I realized that I have several Barney’s in my life. Precious friends who encourage me all the time. People that God uses to get my attention and propel me into the things that He desires for me. I started writing this blog on Sunday afternoon but never finished it and today I get a text saying “Thank you so much Barney”. I just smiled and knew that I needed to finish this blog post.

What people don’t know is that I have prayed for years for God to use me and make me usable for His Kingdom. I’ve longed to be the one that people can come to for encouragement and support. I love helping people, it helps me so much too. So many times I have allowed the enemy to come in like a flood and bring discouragement and depression into my life. I refuse to do that anymore because I can’t be an encouragement to anyone if I am discouraged and depressed. Jesus has brought so much joy and freedom into my life and when I can share that with someone else it just blesses me so much. It’s like a beautiful wave that washes over me to know someone is encouraged by something I have said or done. So now just a little while ago I had another friend blow me away and actually made me cry. She said “You help bring my faith to center stage just by being you”. I had to hang up the phone because I was weeping and praising God. Yes I am a “Barney”.

So I just realized that I never even explained what “Barney” is all about. Its about Barnabas from the book of Acts in the Bible. The first mention of Barnabas is in Acts chapter 4:

Acts 4:36-37

Now Joseph, a Levite of Cyprian birth, who was also called Barnabas by the apostles (which translated means Son of Encouragement), and who owned a tract of land, sold it and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

So Barnabas was like a nickname for this Levite named Joseph. The apostles called him Barnabas in my opinion because they obviously saw him as a man who was very encouraging.  So as we move further into Acts in chapter 9 a man named Saul is persecuting the church and he is on his way to kill the Christians in Damascus. While he was his way the Lord Jesus Christ nails him and he is converted and is now preaching Christ. I think you should just open your Bible right now and read the story because its a pretty amazing story. I will wait for you.

Alright, now when we get to verse 26 we see Saul has arrived in Jerusalem and he wants to hang out and get to know the original disciples of Christ. They are all afraid because they know that this man Saul was killing the Christians and they don’t believe that he is converted. Barnabas took hold of Saul and brought him to the disciples to let them know Saul was for real and he is a disciple now who speaks boldly in the name of Jesus. Let’s read verses 26-27:

Acts 9:26-27

When he came to Jerusalem, he was trying to associate with the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took hold of him and brought him to the apostles and described to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had talked to him, and how at Damascus he had spoken out boldly in the name of Jesus.

See Barnabas was an encouragement and support to Saul in that moment. Those of you know your Bibles know that Saul became the Apostle Paul and wrote much of the New Testament and his mission trips with Barnabas are all through the book of Acts. But lets suppose for a moment that Barnabas wasn’t there to help bring Saul to the disciples. Who knows what could have happened! Saul could have been discouraged and walked away from preaching Christ. Praise God that didn’t happen or half the New Testament would have been very different.

I hope all of that makes sense to you and you get the idea of how Barnabas was an encourager. My pastor’s message was probably much better than my explanation here but I think I’ve pulled it together to make the point. So in thinking of Barney again and me being a Barney to others I really wanted to wear purple and sing the I love You song but I was thinking that might just cause you to stop reading my blogs so I am sharing the real Barney singing his song. If you hate Barney just listen anyway and imagine that I am singing to you with my arm around you. Be encouraged! We all need encouragement! Bless you all!

Baby Steps

There is nothing like watching a baby learn to walk. This past weekend the Lord taught me a lesson about myself from watching a baby walk. When a baby walks and falls down, he may or may not cry…he may crawl a few steps and then get back up or he may just laugh and get back up. Did you notice anything? That baby will GET BACK UP regardless of what happens at the time he falls. No matter how many times he falls, he gets back up. If he doesn’t feel confident right away, he crawls a little but then he gets right back up and walks again. No matter how wobbly, no matter if his daddy is there calling to him “Come on, come to daddy” No matter if he just sees something ahead that catches his eye he will go for it. He is not going to just sit there and cry and never stop trying to walk.

I know what you’re thinking….DUH!

YUP, it’s a DUH! I’m thinking that’s part of my problem, my mind always wants to complicate things. You would think that a person like myself, who has been called the Queen of Efficiency because I can analyze a problem and figure out pretty quickly how to fix it or change a process to complete the work more efficiently, that I would be able to do that in my own personal life. You would think that but NOPE, not me. Not Zenice. Oh no, I have to make a mountain out of a molehill and only see the red X’s of failure and defeat and not the gold stars of progress. I have to complicate things, have my pity parties and just plain give up. Or at least, that’s how I used to operate.

As I have previously written 2011 was a good year for me in terms of losing weight but then 2012 was not so good. For the majority of 2012 I was tormented in my mind about why I couldn’t get back on track with my goals. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me where I went wrong and I asked Him to help me get back on track. I would have days where I would catch a wave of motivation and then a few days later the wave was over. I can’t tell you how many false starts I had in 2012 trying not to gain the weight back. It all failed and the bottom line was that I gained my weight back little by little and now I am almost back to where I was at the beginning of 2011. But the good news is that I am 15 lbs lighter than I was in 2011 when I started our weight-loss challenge at work called “Break Your Boundaries”. Today was our weigh-in day for the 2013 Break Your Boundaries challenge and when I compared my stats it dawned on me how silly I can be. I only need to lose 17.5 lbs to be where I was at the end of the 2011 challenge. I think I am in a good position to get back to that point and then take it further. I am actually pretty confident that I will take it further because not one of my actual goals has a number on it. If I lose 15 or 100 lbs this year I intend to be thankful and grateful for any progress. I just really want to be healthy so I can do the work the Lord is calling me to do.

The Lord really showed me where I went wrong back in 2011 with the whole baby walking analogy. He showed me that where I was looking at the scale and looking at the number 100 (which is how many pounds I wanted to lose) I failed to keep my eyes on Jesus. I kept saying that I was looking to Him but I kept on looking away.  Instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me in my food choices consistently I would get overconfident and stop following His lead and just run on by myself. If I failed (and I failed a lot) I didn’t dust myself off and get back up. No, it took a while and yet He would call to me saying “come on, you can do it” but I didn’t move. I stayed stuck in my misery. Unlike the baby who doesn’t know that it is his goal to walk because it’s just a natural instinctive thing for him to want to get up and move like everyone else, I thought that if I kept my focus on the goal that I would reach the goal. What I have come to realize is that I need to make a goal and then pray about my goal and then keep my eyes on Jesus and He will help me reach the goal.

So I’m taking on a new mindset this year and I have my goals written. I have my action steps planned. I’m praying for my goals daily.  I’m asking the Holy Spirit to help me with my food choices.  I’m keeping my eyes on Jesus at all times.  If I fall, I will maybe cry a little, laugh a little or crawl a little but just like the baby I WILL GET BACK UP!



Reflections on 2012

At the end of every year I sit down and reflect on my successes and failures so I can enter the new year a little smarter and more prepared. As I look back to the last 12 months of 2012 I find that four verses of the Bible sum up my experiences.

1 Peter 5:7-10 NIV84

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

I was doing a Bible study a couple days before the end of the year and that scripture leaped at me and I realized that this was what I went through in 2012  The year started off really bad and then I just lost all motivation for my goals and basically gave up on myself.  But, God didn’t give up on me at all. Throughout all the pain of my deep inner wounds that came up to the surface I didn’t realize that I was being molded and shaped by the Master Potter. I didn’t realize through all the “failures” that I was actually growing, maturing and learning. As I continued to believe the lies in my head that I was not making any type of progress I am pretty sure that the Lord shook His head at me more than once and wondered when I would figure it all out. Just like a loving Father who wants His child to learn and grow up. I think I finally got it. Maybe.

Back in 2011 I thought I knew it all, I thought I had it all figured out.  It was like I when I was 16, I was so smart then…NOT! But I digress, so in 2011 I heard the Lord say “Go” and I was on a mission. The only problem was I didn’t wait around to get my instructions. I ran ahead on my own with enough knowledge and maturity to get myself in trouble. I thought I was doing the right things. I lost 84.5 pounds and by the end of the year instead of rejoicing in my victory and progress I became fixated on the fact that I didn’t lose 100 pounds. Looking back that was pretty silly but at the time it was devastating to me and caused me to fall into a deep and wide pit of despair. I tried to redeem myself in January of 2012 but then I just fell flat on my face in that deep pit and stopped trying to get out.

I am so thankful that Jesus doesn’t give up on us when we give up on ourselves!

The entire rest of 2012 I was in the classroom of life and Jesus was my instructor. He helped me walk through the valley of the shadow of death and He helped me walk through many ugly, painful memories that were crowding my mind. As I look back at the lessons I learned and the obstacles I overcame I now realize that all of the things I went through in 2011 and 2012 were just preparations for things to come. I know that I have a calling and a ministry inside of me that the Lord has birthed in me but He never told me when I was to get started. So now that I have worked through many issues I am actually ready to get back on the path of losing weight and getting healthy. The only difference this time is that I am not overly concerned about getting it done tomorrow. Actually when I wrote up my 2013 goals, not one of them has to do with losing a certain amount of weight. I know the objective is to get healthy and physically strong so I can be ready to “Go” the next time God says “Go” and hopefully I’ve grown a little more mature and will listen for the actual instructions as He gives them…one step at a time.

I look back to 2012 and see a lot of suffering but I also see that happening to many in the body of Christ. I don’t think our suffering is going to ever truly end while we are on this earth but I do believe “…the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” My job is to keep my focus on Jesus and to cast all my anxiety on Him. And that is what I intend to do in 2013.

Happy New Year to you all and may we all keep our eyes on Jesus in 2013!

Leave Me ALONE, please!

That was my mantra for the past week. Leave me ALONE, please. Yes, I was isolating myself in a very bad way.  I  was completely justified of course because quite frankly how could I dare show my face in public after doing so many heinous crimes. What crimes? Well let me tell you. The crime of selfishness, self defeat, perfectionism, whining, inadequacy, disappointment, stress, unbelief and of course complete and utter failure.  Yup, that summarizes it well. That is why I could not bare to show my face in public, on the web or anywhere else for that matter.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? YUP it sure does and my best friend of 39 years lovingly told me so.  I love her! Of course, she was the only one that I was talking to during my trip back to the dark pit that I always seem to find myself wandering back to when I can’t control my life. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Oh no, I think I just admitted a truth here.

I am a control freak.

Yes and that was pointed out to me yesterday by another dear friend. Ouch! I had never ever ever in my wildest dreams thought that I could be a control freak. However I do believe my perspective on control may have been a little bit off.  So I did what anyone would do, I Googled it. I entered define: control freak and here’s what I got…….

con·trol freak

A person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control and to take command of any situation.

Ouch again! So I had to think about this really.  Sleep on it too.  And this morning guess what I discovered. It is TRUE! Oh there is that pit in the middle of my stomach. The one that I feel when I’ve come face to face with a truth that leaves me with a choice to make. The choice is who am I going to let control my life…..Me or God? One scripture for me sums up who is really in control:

Genesis 1:1  In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2011 was a year of surrender for me, but did I truly surrender? I went back and took an honest look at my year today. It seems that every three months I had a pity party and went back to controlling my own life. I had to repent and die to self over and over again because my flesh rose up to take over so many times. Well this leaves me with that pit in my stomach feeling again and this time it’s not making me want to run away and hide from all of life as though I had it so bad. I mean I have lived through much worse,  quite frankly I handled those times much better as well, without the pity parties. In those “real” crisis times I trusted and leaned on God to see me through. I cried out to Jesus every moment and trusted Him to get me through. So what changed?  I don’t know really but I am on a quest to understand this cyclical pattern of mine and while I am doing so really learn once again how to die to self.

Galatians 5:24 ~ Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Romans 6:11 ~ Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:3 ~ For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ~ Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

So as I leave this blog today. I want to publicly thank those friends that God put in my life after much crying and prayer for pressing me when I was pushing you away,  for calling, texting and showing up at my door.  For speaking truth even when I got mad at you.  I love you all!!! You know who you are. And trust me I know that it was God just proving me wrong in my stinking thinking once again so I am eternally grateful to Him first for loving me so much that He won’t let me control my own life. And I am grateful to you my friends who pull me out of the fire when I get too close. God bless you all!!