In continuation of my previous post we were talking about how we make the decision to eat healthy and exercise and then we start strong and then at some point lose the momentum and go back to our old habits. We resolve that we look fine the way we are and people just need to accept us. Well the truth is that is just an excuse. Maybe we do look fine the way we are and yes people should accept us but for those who are like me that are overweight to the point where it’s really affecting our health and our daily life we cannot keep making excuses. We need to face reality and stop saying that we want change and actually do it. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Sure it does but the reality is it’s not that simple.
Over the years, I have tried just about every diet and like a lot of people I lost weight and then I gained it back. I’ve tried it all with the exception of weight loss surgery. I was planning on having the gastric bypass back in 2004 and I started researching it and there were several friends of mine that did it and it worked well for them. But I had prayed and asked God to only allow me to have the surgery if that was His will for me. I found out that it was absolutely not His will because twice I was scheduled for surgery and something happened that made me have to cancel. I believe the Lord showed me that He made my body perfect, with all the right organs and He designed my body to function properly and why should I have to alter His creation so that I could lose weight. No, He wanted me to learn how to be disciplined and He wanted me to learn how to take care of my body that He created so that I could also encourage others to do the same. It was my undisciplined life and unhealthy food choices along with a sedentary lifestyle that put the weight on me so it was not something I needed a surgeon to repair, I needed to learn to let the Holy Spirit lead me and guide me in every area of my life.
A little over a year ago I took a Christian web course to help me lose weight. It pointed out the fact that gluttony is a sin. I lost 51 lbs and while the program was excellent and I know it was the Lord that led me there, I guess I wasn’t quite ready to really surrender my weight and my gluttony over to the Lord. Oh I said the prayers and cried and went through all the motions and when I felt like giving up I felt guilty because I had a mentor and an accountability partner so I couldn’t just give up. The two ladies who were helping me through the course were wonderful and I know today that there were many lessons for me through that journey but after the course was over I fell again. This was my big crash and burn type of fall. I gained almost all my weight back. My life spiraled out of control between major life changes and overwhelming stress and finally depression. It was pretty ugly. I got to a place where I felt that I was going to hell because I had failed God by gaining my weight back. I failed Jesus by taking my eyes off of Him and looking at my circumstances and letting them overwhelm me and consume me. I was a mess. Then I went through a time of trying to figure it all out. What happened to the freedom that I was walking in? What happened to my passion for Christ and zeal for evangelism and my desire to help people and be an encourager? What happened?
To be continued…..